Our First Foster Care Experience
Last week we signed up to do respite care for two little girls, 3 years old and 1 year old. We only found out for sure on Thursday that they were coming and they arrived on Saturday. For those who don't know, respite care is when you watch children in foster care for a short period of time while their regular foster family can't. Usually it is for reasons like the foster family needs a break, has a medical or family emergency or goes on a trip. In this instance the foster family planned a trip when they were told that the girls were going to live with a relative, then that living arrangement didn't work out so they ended up back with the foster family right before their trip. So the girls came to stay with us. Foster care is complicated.
Also I had to back out of a couple of commitments in order to take them in that week. So, sorry to the people I flaked on!
We knew nothing about them besides their names and ages before they came, and we never really found out anything about their case, their bio family or anything, I probably could have asked, but it was just weird to not know. Usually when you get a foster placement you are given all the info they know.
Anyways this week was crazy. Leland and I prayed before taking the placement and we felt good about it. However, there were many times throughout the week I was wondering why in the world the Lord thought I could handle this and why we were ever prompted to do foster care at all ha.
The first few days were really rough. It was an adjustment for all of us, but most of all me. I have taken the training classes and I knew what behaviours to expect for children that have been abused and neglected. It wasn't so much their behavior because that wasn't even that bad compared to stories I've heard. It was really just me adusting to having four little ones needing me every second. With Esther and Adele I can usually let them play and entertain themselves while I do housework or whatever I need to do, but not in this case. I had to be watching them all every minute to make sure they weren't hurting each other, doing something dangerous, or destroying something. Also they did not like Leland taking care of them or doing anything with them, so it was all on me the entire time. I felt super stressed all week. And to be honest I more or less felt like a failure to all of them because I was mostly grumpy and short tempered the whole time. I can blame some of it on general irritableness from being 36 weeks pregnant, but a lot of the time I spent being disappointed in myself that I wasn't a fun loving mom 100% of the time, or let's be real even 50% of the time they were here.
It wasn't all bad. There were some good and even great moments. By the end of the week they had learned how to play nicely together and learned the rules of our house so I didn't have to watch them all so closely. Adele especially bonded with the 3 year old and they got along well. They loved playing the same types of games, like putting all their dolls to sleep. The girls also took a nap every day, which was nice so I could get stuff done while they all napped at the same time.
Here are a few glimpses of our week via Instagram:
By the end of the week things were better and we kind of got into a routine. I decided respite care is pretty hard because you have to go through the hard transition of the kids coming into a new home and getting used to things, but then by the time things finally start to settle down they are already leaving. I am glad we got a little taste of foster care before the baby is born so we know better what to expect and what we can handle. I'm not sure what we will do going forward. We will probably just take it call by call, and since there isn't a big need in our area it will probably be a few months before we get another call. I definitely just want to focus on our new baby for the next couple of months, and then after that we will still probably only take 1 child at a time. We are still new at foster care and just trying to navigate everything.
The girls left this morning. I hope we might be able to see them again sometime or at least know how they are doing, but there are no guarantees. I hope that despite my shortcomings their time here was a good experience for them.
Also I had to back out of a couple of commitments in order to take them in that week. So, sorry to the people I flaked on!
We knew nothing about them besides their names and ages before they came, and we never really found out anything about their case, their bio family or anything, I probably could have asked, but it was just weird to not know. Usually when you get a foster placement you are given all the info they know.
Anyways this week was crazy. Leland and I prayed before taking the placement and we felt good about it. However, there were many times throughout the week I was wondering why in the world the Lord thought I could handle this and why we were ever prompted to do foster care at all ha.
The first few days were really rough. It was an adjustment for all of us, but most of all me. I have taken the training classes and I knew what behaviours to expect for children that have been abused and neglected. It wasn't so much their behavior because that wasn't even that bad compared to stories I've heard. It was really just me adusting to having four little ones needing me every second. With Esther and Adele I can usually let them play and entertain themselves while I do housework or whatever I need to do, but not in this case. I had to be watching them all every minute to make sure they weren't hurting each other, doing something dangerous, or destroying something. Also they did not like Leland taking care of them or doing anything with them, so it was all on me the entire time. I felt super stressed all week. And to be honest I more or less felt like a failure to all of them because I was mostly grumpy and short tempered the whole time. I can blame some of it on general irritableness from being 36 weeks pregnant, but a lot of the time I spent being disappointed in myself that I wasn't a fun loving mom 100% of the time, or let's be real even 50% of the time they were here.
It wasn't all bad. There were some good and even great moments. By the end of the week they had learned how to play nicely together and learned the rules of our house so I didn't have to watch them all so closely. Adele especially bonded with the 3 year old and they got along well. They loved playing the same types of games, like putting all their dolls to sleep. The girls also took a nap every day, which was nice so I could get stuff done while they all napped at the same time.
Here are a few glimpses of our week via Instagram:
Our Easter got a little crazy this year when we added two extra girls last night. We are doing respite care for another foster family this week. Wish me luck on surviving all these kids. 😳 Luckily they've been mostly easy so far, besides doubling what we're used to. The girls are 3 and 1, so we have a 1, 2, 3 and 4 year old. 👍
I braved Sam's Club with all four today. (Four kids eat so much!) To everyone that came up to us Esther would proudly announce "These are our foster kids!" 😬🙈 but at least I didn't have to try to explain ha. The first 24 hours that the girls were with us was...rough. Yesterday was manageable and today has been pretty good. At least the 1 year old hasn't bitten anyone yet today so I'd call it a success. 👍
Yesterday I took the girls to a visit with some of their bio family. That was awkward and I didn't really know what I was doing, but I was glad to see there were people who showed up and people who love and care about them. I knew from hearing from other foster parents to expect tantrums/worse behavior after visits. It makes sense because it is all so confusing to them. Anyways the girls cried for a while after we left and were both pretty emotional all day. Night time was the worst as the 1 year old was crying for her mom all night off and on and the 3 year old keeps asking when she can go home again. Foster care is broken and hard. Most of the week I have been wondering what I signed myself up for but today I started seeing glimpses of who these girls really are behind all the trauma-induced behavior. They had so much fun at the farm looking at all the animals and running races. They both even let Leland play with them and hold their hands (they have mostly wanted nothing to do with him all week). It made me happy but also made me sad that they are going home to their regular foster family in two days and will be having to go through another transition.
The girls left this morning. I hope we might be able to see them again sometime or at least know how they are doing, but there are no guarantees. I hope that despite my shortcomings their time here was a good experience for them.
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