TEN

 2021 Week Ten

This week was so busy! Happy things and hard and sad things all mixed together. That's life always I suppose, but foster care really brings all those emotions to the forefront. 

Israel and his "bess fend Eeky" aka Baby Boy. Baby Boy loves him back, he just hates sitting still for pictures. 

Esther trying out her pottery wheel she got for her birthday. 

On Saturday we went to the trampoline park to celebrate Julian's upcoming birthday. The kids all had a blast. 

Israel wearing the robot costume Julian got for his birthday. 

On Sunday we took all the kids for a stroll around the temple. It was the first time we had been back since the Sealing. 

On Tuesday morning, Baby Boy officially reunified with his mom. I have been very sad at times leading up to this day. Other times I've felt okay and at peace. I did most of my grieving before he actually left, but the kids are all grieving now. His mom had intended to let us babysit him on the weekends and I'm really hoping that happens this weekend for the kid's sake, and also for mine. I miss him so much and spend a lot of time wondering if he is okay. 

Dropping him off to his mom's house that final time was brutal. He definitely knew something was up, with me packing up all his things in the trunk and the kids all saying tearful goodbyes to him. He screamed the whole way there, so much so that I wondered if I had pinched him with the carseat buckle or something. He was fine when I got him out but once I handed him to his mom he was hysterically screaming and reaching for me. (He is usually fine and happy to go to his mom.) She gave him back to me for one last hug and he calmed down, but screamed again when I handed him to her, reaching for me as she closed the door and I left. It was so sad, it makes me cry just remembering it. I don't know how but he knew that was the last time I would be his Mama and it just breaks my heart. I really hope we can see him again. 

Here is what I wrote about that day on Instagram 

oday, after spending the first 19 months of his life with us, our sweet Baby Boy reunified with his mom. We are so grateful that we’ll be able to have a lot of contact and see him often, but it will be a hard change for all of us. And although the pain and hardness and unknowns of fostering him these past months has been brutal at times, we all agree saying yes to him was one of the best things we ever did. He is so so worth it. ❤️

On that same sad day was Julian's birthday. He loved his new toys and his Spiderman cake. 

Here is what I wrote about his birthday on Instagram

4 years ago, in a city about 50 miles away from us, Julian was born. At nearly the exact same time, Leland and I were feeling the pull to start fostering. We wouldn’t meet for another 3 years, but the timing could not be a coincidence. The Lord knew we would need each other and I’m so thankful He set us on the path that brought us Julian.

Julian is such a sweet boy. He is very mild, sensitive and kindhearted. He loves Spider-Man and robots and loves to talk to people (just like the rest of our children 🤣). He has been with us almost a year now and in some ways the past year has been similar to the first year postpartum. Lots of learning and growing and becoming for both of us but especially me as a mother. I’ve discovered adoption comes with a lot of challenges and emotions but I’m forever grateful we adopted Julian and he adopted us. Happy Birthday sweet boy! 🎂🎉

Then, two days after that, yesterday, Julian had to have surgery to correct his eyes. We spent all day at the children's hospital and he did so great even though he had to fast all day. He has bounced right back and has been his normal self today. 

So at the end of this crazy stressful week, I had my midwife appointment. Everything is looking great. we did a quick ultrasound to check fluid levels and I got to see the sweet baby's face, So chubby and adorable, I can't wait to meet her/him. I am about 1 week away from my due date. Baby is very low, which the midwife says is so unusual for a 4th baby, to be so low and not in labor, but my body does what it pleases ha. I am grateful the baby is low because I feel better these past weeks than I have the last couple of months. Hardly any heartburn or rib pain that usually plague me the last month of pregnancy. I've had no pelvic or back pain lately either and  I credit going to the chiropractor weekly. I have had a lot of contractions, feeling similarly to how I did a few days before Israel's birth, so I am hopefully optimistic that the baby will come next week. But still keeping in mind that Israel was 10 days late so it still could be 2+ weeks. I've been nesting all week and I have just about everything ready, just some more deep cleaning that could be done. We'll see what happens!