Breaking Up with My Phone

If you've read this blog for a while then you already know I'm always trying to figure out ways to limit/live with/not be addicted to screen time. I have read many studies and know how bad too much screen time can be for little kids. In the past year or so I've really tried to limit screen time for the girls. They typically just watch about 1.5 hours of high quality preschool shows a day (and some days it's none and some days it's disney movies all day long ha). I've noticed great improvements in their imagintations and ability to entertain themselves since I've started really trying to be more intentional about it. 

However, I know that children will usually follow their parents example, so I've continuously been trying to figure out ways for ME to be better about being on my phone. I've done two social media fasts this past year, and that kind of helped, but I still found myself on my phone, reading news articles, even reading essays online, basically doing whatever to pass time on my phone. I was wondering, I got rid of social media, so why am I still addicted to my phone?

Enter this book: "How to Break Up with Your Phone" by Catherine Price. I saw it sitting on a display at the library and I decided to check it out. It definitely was heaven sent because it totally changed my thinking about my phone. 

Why Are Our Phones So Addictive

This book goes in depth to explain just why our phones have such a hold over us. It explains that our brains are hard wired to seek new information. Anytime we see new information, we get a dopamine rush. Each post that we scroll by on Instagram, each and every tweet we see and even every news headline that we read. They are all new information that our brain craves. 

The book also classifies certain apps on our phone as "slot machine apps". Similar to a playing a slot machine, our rational brain knows that if we open up facebook, chances are that there won't be any super thrilling information, or any posts that will make us really really happy. But our primitive brain doesn't care about statistics, so it gets very excited each time we open the app and delivers us another dompamine rush. Dopamine happens to be very addictive.

I liked how the author went into how all the apps are working against you to try to make you stay in the app as long as possible and as often as possible. Every app has app developers who are constantly trying to "improve" the app to make it even more addicting. Instagram and Snapchat play on every persons FOMO (fear of missing out) by having stories that disappear after 24 hours. The book goes a lot more in depth, but this was really a game changer to me to see just how addicted we all our to our phones, and why. 

How Does It Affect Our Lives

The book sites studies about how smart phones affect not only things like depression and anxiety rates, but also sleep, cognition, memory, obesity, adhd and things that are harder to measure like gratitude, our relationships, mindfulness and self awareness. One thing it mentions is that the average person spends 4 hours a day on their phone. Then it points out that if we spent 4 hours a day doing anything else like studying a foreign language, practicing an instrument or a sport, we would quickly become expert. For myself, this whole section made me realize how much more developed I could be if only I could quit my bad smart phone habits. 

Being A Mom with a Smart Phone

Okay, this is the kicker for me. This book actually mentioned nothing about being a parent, it was all about breaking up with your smart phone for yourself, to better your own life, not for anyone else. But for me, my kids are my biggest motivation. How often do I ignore them because I'm checking instagram? How often I am emotionally unavailable to them because I'm on my phone? Answer: Too often. Also the real question, How often am I stressed because the house is messy and I'm behind on things because I've spent all of the hours after bedtime on my phone, instead of cleaning or getting things done or even just relaxing and taking care of myself. Answer: Waaaaay too often. 

I have known for a long time that being on my phone less would help me be a better mom. A few months ago I listened to this podcast How to stop looking at your phone so much and why it matters. Man, that podcast had me feeling horribly guilty. It talks about how eye contact and facial interaction is so important for infants, and how being on your phone while breastfeeding is basically ruining your baby. (I am such a nursing phone scroller. It has been hard for me to change while at the same time I feel very guilty for all the bonding hours I've wasted through nursing 3 babies.) It also mentioned a study trying to find a correlation between moms smart phone use and children's autism rates.  This podcast hurt to hear, but sometimes the truth hurts. I tried to do better after listening to it, but is constantly a battle. 

Ideas From The Book

One thing I liked about this book is that it doesn't just suggest getting rid of smart phones all together. The author recognizes that smart phones are here to stay and getting rid of yours isn't a real solution for most people. The main thing I loved about this book was all the realistic suggestions to curb your smart phone use. It actually has a 30 day plan in the book, but since it was only a one week checkout I just used the tips I found most applicable for me. 

1. TURNING OFF NOTIFICATIONS

I turned off most of my notifications a while ago, and it has made a difference. I need to turn off more and hopefully after reading this post everyone will know that unless you text or call me, don't think I'm ignoring you, I just might not see it until the next time I check my phone. 

2. OFFTIME 

This is an app that tracks your smart phone usage, but it also allows you to take time off from your phone while filtering out the apps you want to use, like your camera or music app. I have tried quite a few time tracking apps and this one is by far the best and least annoying. I love that it allows you to just schedule a chunk of time to be phone free while still allowing calls and texts to come through (if you choose). The paid version of the app also allows you to set time limits for each individual app so you don't get sucked in. 

3. DON'T SLEEP WITH YOUR PHONE

And don't look at your phone right before you plan to fall asleep. I have noticed I can sleep so much better since I started doing it. 

4. PHONE FASTS

The book recommends taking a 100% break from your smart phone for a 24 period. Just turning it off and setting it aside. I have to admit that I haven't done this yet (except for when we go camping) but now that I have this blog post for accountability I'm going to! 

Anyways, being a mom with a phone is hard. There are so many good things that I love about the internet and social media. In a lot of ways podcasts, blogs and the examples of moms on social media have shaped me into the mother I am. However, I know from first hand experience how easily the isolation of new motherhood can drive you to relying on your phone way too much. Now that I've gotten to that point I know it's well past time to reevaluate and break my bad habits. I hope that some people out there can relate and will read this book, or if not at least cut back on their own smart phone usage too. 

Besides the phone fast I'm not sure what exactly I'll do about my phone going forward. Part of me longs to just get rid of it and get a flip phone again. If it wasn't for the nice camera, and google maps I probably would ha. I'm thinking I will probably take a month or so off of Instagram soon, and then try to really curb my phone habits so I'm not just filling in that time with YouTube videos ha. Anyways comment and let me know what you think or if you have any other smart phone tips!