Saying Goodbye

Last Wednesday we got word that L would be moved to a relative on a Friday morning. This wasn't very surprising but we were all a little sad to see her go. I printed off some photos of L and the girls and made two photo albums, one for L to take with her and one for the girls to keep. They have loved looking at it over and over again. I hope it has helped her with her transition too. I had hoped to stay in contact with L and her relatives she's living with. But I haven't heard anything so far.

Her leaving made me more emotional than I thought it would. Of course I grew attached after taking care of her for 6 weeks, but a bigger part of it was wondering if I made a difference and feeling like I didn't do enough for her. With my own kids, I know I have a lifetime to build our relationships. If I mess up or yell at them or have a bad day I know that we can forgive and move on and still have many more chances. With L I know I was harder on myself because what if we are the only functional family she ever knows and I blow it all by yelling at her one time? Or how could I lose my patience with her when she has been through so much already? The rational part of me knows that any person taking care of her is human and will mess up. No one is perfect but I often feel like kids in foster care more than anyone deserve perfect parents. I came across this quote a few weeks ago and as cheesy as it is it brought me a lot of comfort.

“Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, ‘I’ll try again tomorrow.'”
– Thomas S. Monson

L did make a lot of progress while she was with us. Her first few days here she was so sick and would only eat bread and milk. By the time she left she was much healthier and had at least 20 foods she liked, so that was a big success. She also progressed in a lot of little ways, like learning to love swings when she had been terrified of them when she first came. 

The girls haven't seemed too upset by her leaving. Maybe I was just expecting the worst. Esther prays often that she is safe and we can see her again, so I hope we can soon. They have both been more needy lately, in their own ways, which is to be expected. We plan to take a few months off of fostering for a break and also to try and help them feel more secure in our family. Navigating the needs of our own children while feeling the prompting to foster children has been a challenge from the beginning. Esther and Adele (and all children) are so loving. They loved L like a sister from the start and held nothing back. I hope exposing them to this life will foster a love of people and service in them, and not affect them too negatively when it's time to say goodbye. 

One thing I didn't know when we first thought about fostering was how much interaction you have with the birth families. I saw them 2x a week at visits, and as awkward as that was, I was blessed to be able to view them with compassion. Really most of these birth parents come from family cycles of dysfunction and abuse themselves. We were never hoping to adopt L or take her from her parents. From first meeting with them I really did hope that they will be able to work things out and get L back. I hope I can know what happens in her case from this point on but I'm not sure I will. In any case, I am glad we said yes to L. It was hard but a good growing experience for all of us.