Thoughts on Having Many Children

Lately I've been thinking a lot about family size and how it varies and all the pros and cons of having many children close in age. Leland and I both grew up in big families (He is 7 of 8 and I am 2 of 5). When we first started talking about marriage we both knew we wanted many kids, right away, and I'm very grateful to have found someone who is on the same page as me on that subject.

Since we have gone from two to four children quickly in the past eighteen months I've gotten more comments and I have just been more aware of differences in having a few kids vs having one or two. Still, I only have four kids so it's not like I'm some big family expert. But having my first child at 20, having three kids in just over four years, and growing our family the traditional way as well as with foster children, I feel like I have some unique perspectives to share.

First, isn't the world already overpopulated? Well, despite what Prince Harry thinks, no. It isn't the number of people that is the issue, it is how those people consume. But that's another post for another time. No one has ever said anything to me personally about overpopulation, but  I feel like it is an excuse some people and organizations use as a reason why people need to have less children. Those people ignore the fact that fertility rates around the world are rapidly declining anyways. Not to mention the social implication when a population falls below replacement level, like many wealthy countries are now doing. 

Anyways, having a big family, for us has more benefits than you might think. I'm not here to convince people to have more children than they feel they should have. I also know many people want a big family and aren't able to have that.  But many people act so appalled that I have four kids. They always wonder how I do it. So here is my experience. 

First of all, children with siblings close in age have built in playmates. My kids are hardly ever bored and they help each other come up with ideas of what to do. Even Israel is now big enough to be in on the sibling play and the girls enjoy having another person to add to their pretend play games. Even if you only have one child, if you feel you, as a parent, are solely responsible for entertaining them at every moment just stop right now. I think parents in this modern, internet age sometimes make parenting so much harder than it needs to be. I made the mistake of keeping Esther entertained at all times when she was a toddler. I needed to take a shower? I put on a show. I needed to do the dishes? Set her up with playdoh and when she got bored with that, stop doing dishes and read her books until nap time. Not that spending time with or playing with your kids is bad, but allow them to wander around and be bored a little while you do the dishes, allow them have to sit and wait for their food at a restaurant without being on a screen. Trust me, there might be a few tantrums, maybe a fair amount of mischief, but you will be thanking yourself later. 

Parents of many kids don't have the time or means to spoil their kids (in general). Sometimes I feel bad that I can't give my children very much one on one attention. I see my friends with one or two children being so involved with their children and I feel a little bad that I have to interrupt story time to make a bottle, or that there is no way I could do mommy and me swim class because my toddler has two younger siblings. But then I think that in the history of the world, parents had many more children than they do now, children for the most part had no toys, and mothers did washing and baking and sewing and cleaning all by hand while their children either played outside or followed them around. I have to remember that it was Heavenly Father that made our bodies and he created a woman to bear many children. Children need loving parents who will teach them, but beyond that they don't need as many things as we think they do. 

More practically, children from big families learn to wait their turns, learn to share, learn how to help younger siblings, as well as do chores from an early age because it is needed. They have many more opportunities to learn conflict resolution because their is more conflict with more people in the family.  

Parents of many children learn that they have to let go of things that aren't important. I'm just starting to learn this, and most of what I've learned about being a mother to a large family is from observing other people. I have also seen that to have a strong family when you have a lot of kids, you need to cultivate a family culture and parent your children intentionally. (Learned from The Eyres). One of the reasons we decided to homeschool was to create a strong family unity and be able to parent our children more intentionally. 

 So I'm sure that after reading this all of you are asking what people seem to love to ask. "Are you having more kids?" or my favorite "So are you guys done?" To which, if I was brave enough I would respond "Boy, we are just getting started!". But, jokes aside, we really don't have a number in mind and we never have. I know we will have more biological kids and who even knows what will happen with foster care. I feel that eventually we will adopt also. Sometimes, a lot of times, like everyone I do feel overwhelmed with the children I have. The feeling of, "man I can never handle anymore". But I felt that way with one child and I felt that way with two and four. Actually, I even felt overwhelmed and stressed at times when I had no children. Children are a big responsibility and nothing in my life has ever made me as dependent upon the Savior and His grace as motherhood has.
But I feel so strongly that having children is what we came to earth for. Bearing children is our eternal design as women. The decision to have another child is so much more important than the number of seats your van has or if you will still have enough money to go on a yearly vacation. In fact, finances is hardly even a consideration when we think about having more children because I have been thoroughly taught with each new baby, God will provide. He will send miracles and make sure you have enough to care for each child he sends you. There are many spirits waiting to come to Earth and gain a body and I know we will be blessed so much more than we realize if we are willing to welcome them into our families.